From Personal Desire...

To Celestial Fire

As part of my eclectic range of self-exploration tools, I hold Human Design and Gene Keys in high regard as rich resources for contemplation and inspiration. A current theme I am journeying deeply with is the transmutation of the shadow of Desire to the gift of Lightness, and the siddhi blessing of Rapture. Relating to the 30th Gene Key in the system transmitted so eloquently by Richard Rudd, this key sits in the position of Vocation in my own sequence. It is a particularly powerful resonance in my life, and as one might guess, informs both my personal and professional explorations.

As one who was raised in a devout Christian household and who absorbed unhelpful messages of the shame, sin and out and out wrongness of sexual pleasure, I have devoted many years in overcoming the limitations placed on me by well-meaning yet misinformed others.  The journey towards true sexual maturity (as opposed to forced and fumbled maturity that arises for most of us from the lack of empowering and healthy education during our adolescence) also continues. So when I first saw that "Desire" was named as a shadow in this system, I fervently  resisted and inwardly argued the point that desire is a natural and healthy human expression. Indeed, I very much encourage people to actively tune into and give expression to their desires during sacred-sexual/tantric experiences with me. It always comes with the caution that they might not receive (from me) what they desire, but to allow that feeling of want to build and amplify and contribute to the burgeoning of Eros so that the Eros itself can answer, and flood the whole system with pure orgasmic energy - oh my god YES!! And YES again! THAT is how I love to explore and experience desire, in its liberated and liberating state.

So what might be the problem with desire? Why is it in the Shadow and why is it considered a good thing to transmute it to something else? That's a huge contemplation right there and I certainly don't have all of the answers; but I am getting a sense of how the transmutation of personal desire can be something different than the shaming of sexual pleasure that I experienced in my younger days. It can also differ from the messages I received from some spiritual practices that insist on focusing only on the upward flow of energy (out of the base chakras and to the heart and higher centres) which also carry the subtle imprint of "base equals bad, high equals good".

As I sit in embodied contemplation, feeling the response of Eros and Heart, supported by breath and gentle serpentine flexes of the spine, I can feel the importance of our wants and desires as the starting point of ALL experience, ALL action. We need an imperative to move us through life, and our wants supply that imperative. I want a house and land to call my own, I want a good steady primary relationship, I want multiple lovers, I want children, I want my family to feel safe and supported, I want an electric car, I want a promotion in the wealth department, I want to feel pleasure ripple through my body, I want to feel my potency and power, I want to F**K and ravish and penetrate, I want to draw towards me, to seduce to consume for the sake of delight, I want to succumb, to surrender myself  to oblivion, I want tenderness and adventure in equal measure, I want to set free my raw animal nature AND I want to emanate the pulse of the Holiest Celestial Flame... 

All of these wants arise out of an impersonal  evolutionary imperative to have experiences for the sake of experience. The impulse of desire is driven by wild nature and cosmic forces that aren't so worried about survival of the body-mind/animal, as the forces themselves are eternal. When we give ourselves over entirely to this drive and focus only on personal desires, we are in danger of creating an insatiable hunger; and that hunger, unchecked, may have us behaving in less than wonderful ways. Rape of others, rape of the earth for resources, stepping all over the boundaries and welfare of others, taking without regard of longer term consequence. We only have to look at the world we live in to see what unchecked personal desire turns into. From bullying in the workplace, to rape-culture, to wars and genocide... It all begins with desire in the place of the Shadow. 

So how to resolve this? How to embrace personal desire fully AND allow its transmutation without naming or shaming it as a sin?  A preparatory step might be to examine those things we believe we want more closely. In part we do this to assess if we truly want it (the person, the job, the house, the car) and all of the responsibilities and changes that go along with attaining it/them. And so to we do this in order that we might begin to recognise the message that the energy of "want" programs  into our subconscious mind (which is fundamentally the message of lack - if I believe I want something, it indicates I don't yet have it, which indicates I am in lack, in poverty). 

Being in a state of lack evokes a state of suffering. Even when we attain the thing we desire, the fulfilment is short lived and very soon a new desire is created and the cycle of wanting/lacking begins again. Our personal desires, dreams and wants can quickly turn into frustration, resentment, jealousy, addiction and a whole host of miserable moods and behaviours.

As with all things there is wisdom in seeking the gentle oscillation of balance and harmony. And so in regard to desire, we seek to resolve it by turning towards the Gift frequency of this Gene Key, which is Lightness. There is a  light of awareness that shines into the shadow places to reveal that "the way out is through". And there is an energy form of light that gently pulses and emanates from within every atom of our being, ceaselessly, a resolute innocence that we can align with to remember our equanimity and inner peace. But the Lightness spoken of here is the attitude of good and compassionate humour that arises when we awaken to the cosmic joke. 

Desire is beyond our control, it must have it's way with us, and there is no escape BUT...

When we accept that the energy of desire will stay the same, whether we attain whatever has been our focus or not, then we get to drop further into the pleasure of desire WITHOUT following it into the chasing, grasping, needy game of the temporary and ultimately unfulfilling satiation of a hunger that can't be satiated.  Sometimes we will follow its dance and it will create action and lead us into experiences, for better or for worse. But mostly, we can simply be in its flames, enjoying its sensuality, delighting in the spark of brightness and mischievous twinkles that shine from our eyes. And when we dance with Desire infused with this awareness and with a smile on our lips, it might just bless us further by inviting us into a genuine state of Rapture.

 Desire to Rapture ~ A Tantric Ritual

I love contemplation, I adore taking time to immerse myself in the wanderings of the abstract mind and I gasp with joy and astonished excitement when an insight lands and clarity shines like a flame in my mind. And I equally love and appreciate inviting such insights to be accessed through the Eros and sensuality of my body. The solidity of "Knowing" that arises through embodied practices is something else. Having experienced this time and time again, it is only natural that it creates the desire in me to share similar experiences with you!

Co-created tantric ritual is a container and a vehicle that opens one up to the FULLNESS of oneself, leaving nothing out, welcoming every aspect to the temple of the heart. There are so many ways in which to playfully explore, and entering the field of Tantra is somehow extra perfect when seeking to create a cellular knowing of the concept ~ Personal Desire to Celestial Fire.

Recently I had an experience with someone in which they expressed their desire and indirectly made a request for me to meet that desire; I chose to say no. Their body's response was initially to go limp. Shadows of rejection and disappointment flitted across their face. My heart ached yet I held true to my boundary and offered them the practice of letting go of the idea of getting what they wanted from me. As an alternative, I guided them in amplifying the sensation of desire in their own body-mind. Pouring all of that energy into their own fires and allowing it build and build in intensity until, no longer willing to be contained, it exploded like a supernova into an expanded orgasmic luminosity... Can you FEEL that as you read? "Pouring all of that energy into their own fires and allowing it build and build in intensity until, no longer willing to be contained, it exploded like a supernova into an expanded orgasmic luminosity..." ~ Wow! As you might imagine, this created a far more magnificent moment of ecstasy than could ever have been granted had I said yes!

Admittedly it takes some convincing for the conditioned mind and patterned body before either can trust in the truth of this, but I believe it is worth the effort. As we repeatedly experience as much desire as we dare thrumming through our body, setting our minds on fire, and then practice turning that desire inwards rather than projecting it outwards, we begin to re-pattern our habits.   It won't always feel like a supernova, sometimes the immersion will be more akin to easing into a deep warm pool, or perhaps becoming weightless, carried high on celestial currents. Whatever our subjective experience may be, the effect is to liberate ourselves (and others whom we may have projected previous moments of desire onto) from being slaves to, or victims of, our desires. Instead we are empowered by the lightness and pleasure of the dance, playfully watching where our wants are attempting to take us, then choosing when to follow, and when to simply smile and let go.

Although within session space, we purposefully employ Eros, sometimes sexual impulse, sometimes orgasmic, sometimes climatic; the ripples from these more intense peak experiences find their way into ALL of life, even that void of sexual or erotic pulsations. The potential is that we find ourselves applying the cellular knowing evoked by tantric ritual beyond the session space. The vibrations follow us into our intimate relating with others, into our understanding of our colleagues and the nature of collaboration, into our mundane purchases and investments. Everywhere that desire and want shows itself, (the car sales room, the local bakery with oh so tempting pastries and iced wonders), EVERYWHERE desire shows itself, we have opportunity to smile, twinkle, and remember that moments of Rapture arise when we free ourselves from HAVING to following. 

​If you would like a taste of this please do let me know!