The Triple X Spiral

Exoneration, Expression & Exaltation

Occasionally requests arrive from those who are desperate to "Be Seen", and not only that, but to be affirmed, embraced and celebrated by the witness. Sometimes they want to be seen losing their shit, raging, yelling, snotty tears flying... and for this much needed expression to not freak the witness out. In other words they are seeking a safe place where their release of pent up energy can happen, without triggering another person. Sometimes they want to be witnessed in their erotic flow, dancing, breathing, sounding in ways that help them to remember they are more than the roles they play, mother/father, corporate CEO, systems analyser, medic - whatever. They want to FEEL and be seen as who they know themselves to be beyond all of that. One of my personal favourites is witnessing those playing with new identities to empower a shift in career, or to manifest their purpose so the request could be to be seen as the King, the Priestess or other such archetype.

Perhaps one of the more challenging requests (to make and to receive) is the one that is longing to be witnessed in sexual pleasure. There is risk in stating "I just want someone to see me as the man/woman/other I am whilst I self-pleasure to climax and have that celebrated rather than rejected" - and the fear of making such a request often makes a person more clunky in their communication thereby opening the door for major misinterpretation or misunderstanding. 

As someone who has received all of the requests above and more, I know that before I can answer yes, I have to allow time for any inner triggers, judgements and stories of my own to settle before I can be centred enough to hear clearly and discern if the request is "clean" or if it is filled with shadow (and the two aren't mutually exclusive). By this I mean, has this person tended to enough inner work to:

a) Maintain a clear intention and understanding that their experience with me is about them; and as witness, my role has no "personal" involvement. 
b) If anything is to reveal itself out of the shadows, will this person maintain enough self-awareness to honour boundaries and are they "coachable" (will they be able to receive feedback without being triggered in a way that is unhelpful and/or unhealthy for either of us).
c) Does this person have a network of support beyond our sessions to unpack anything that needs unpacking further (counselling, psychotherapy, peer groups or similar) ​

Should I feel able to say yes and take it forward, I KNOW this work will contain some of the most rewarding and high-value experiences available within the container of tantra and sacred-sexuality. Why? Because it creates what I'm playfully calling The Triple X Spiral!

X1 ~ Exoneration 

For many, making a request is to temporarily place oneself in the vibration of vulnerability. How will my request land, will it be understood, will I get what I want, will I get something inferior or far removed from what I want, will I be judged, will I come across as needy or greedy, will I be rejected, outcast? These are just a small handful of possible core fears. You might resonate with some, and you might have others that you are aware of; and others still that you are completely unaware of (i.e. they are still in the shadows).

When the space is created for you to safely make any request you haven't previously dared to make, you may meet one or more of your fears right there, in that moment of making the request. If you can make the request anyway AND have the voicing of it witnessed without judgement and within the energy of loving acceptance, you are set free from the prison of that fear. In some circles this is referred to as "clearing" - we find a limiting belief/fear/behaviour; embrace it lovingly, let any stuck energy be discharged as a release of emotion, and through this find liberation or exoneration.

It is important to note that this clearing can be accessed both by receiving a "yes" to the request and also (and sometimes more powerfully) by receiving a "no".  Often the "no I can't or won't do that for you" given lovingly without repulsion or other forms of judgement is far more impactful in releasing us from fears, than receiving a yes would be (more on that will be shared in a separate post).

In terms of Kundalini  flow, this is the upward path, the evolutionary spiral that journeys us from a place of limitation to the place of liberation. The primary mantra "Wahe Guru" speaks to the recognition of our perpetual movement from the darkness of ignorance to the light of awareness and transcendence. This description may appear highbrow or unrelated, but is actually the essence behind what is happening each and every time we make a helpful and empowering shift in our understanding of ourselves, others, and life. ​​

X2 ~ Embodied Expression

The request has been made, the witness's response offered, and now there is flow into the embodied expression of whatever has shown itself to be most appropriate. There may be a phase of "crossfade" in which some of that expression is part of the emotional clearing of X1. There could be tears, anger, tantrum; or giddiness, shyness, and trembles of excitement ~ The "what" doesn't matter so much as the continued commitment to exoneration by allowing expression. 

An agreement will be made at this stage around what IS available. It may be that you receive a wholehearted "YES, I would LOVE to witness you in the full flow of your sexual expression (or creative flow, sensual dance - whatever has been asked); or you may have received something more like "No - I don't feel able to hold space for that, BUT I could offer this instead". And now the embodied expression becomes focused on your request or the agreed upon "activity". This is the point at which you begin to remember and re-manifest the version of you that you feel has not been allowed expression in other areas of life. For someone who has become stuck in the parent or carer role it might be reclaiming their sense of "potency" by having their ejaculation/climax witnessed. Or perhaps you are creating/strengthening a new identity/role by feeling and expressing how it feels to hold yourself in a new posture with different mannerisms, voices, sounds etc.

This is the involutionary flow of Kundalini, when the heavenly lips of transcendence have been kissed and now the energy turns, and returns to matter. I like to use the bija (seed) mantra "Har" as an expression relating to this downward spiral.  "Har" transfers the power/energy/essence of that which is infinite and formless into raw fuel to support the creation of the finite and formed. 

In this experience, it is the moment you have shifted from having the desire/need in thought form, to having a "real" experience of it in your body and that real experience (or a variation of it) being witnessed and shared with another. This is an essential part of our creative self expression - how can we be the embodiment of our unique essence if we haven't first tasted what that means to us, and then found the courage to let that be seen? In other areas of life, this speaks about those moments in which we have turned a dream/idea into an action, tangible experience or material product. In spiritual development it is the ability to put those ideals and qualities that are met during transcendental meditation or moments ecstatic enlightenment, into practical action in this earthly human existence.

X3 ~ Exaltation 

The "finale" and something that many of us rush away from before it happens is the moment of exaltation. That precious sweet spot when we are aware something significant has just happened and we can't help but laugh or cry with joy, or at the very least, have a big inner grin of happiness rise up and reach our lips. 

Have you ever achieved something, some qualification or company target, and there is a rewards ceremony? Have you experienced being invited to go and accept the reward in front of others and felt the flush of extreme embarrassment, shyness, or other form of self-consciousness that has you faking humility, dismissing the glory, telling a self-deprecating joke or using flippancy to make the whole thing "lesser". I know some will answer "Nope, I LOVE being rewarded for my achievements, I adore being celebrated" and if that is you I hereby celebrate you!! 

Now... have you ever been joined in celebration of the most exquisite orgasm available to you? Have you been celebrated for setting your wild rage free? Has your voice, dance or other creative expression been celebrated (even if you're not a professional performer/creative)? Have you been witnessed in the moment of exaltation without your extreme joy triggering something judgemental from the other?

Many people have received negative reactions to their happiness and expression of celebration during their childhood and in later years. Parents and caregivers often dampen down a child's joy because "too much" can get overwhelming, or they might be concerned about promoting prideful or unattractive behaviour. "Show-off" "attention-seeker" "drama-queen" "calm down" and "you're getting embarrassing now" are words I've had used against me when in celebration mode, and previously, they have completely stopped me in my tracks and caused me to feel in some way "wrong". 

So as simple and insignificant as it may seem, the X3 of Exaltation is the crucial piece that must be tended to to make this the most empowering and complete experience possible. And it CAN be very simple. Just a few moments where your smile and/or laughter is mirrored back to you; or a few affirming words are offered. It might open a new wave of clearing as the inner child receives something new and nourishing; or it might feel extremely peaceful and be a drop into sweet surrender and integration time. ​

However it lands for you, this celebration of you IS important, because YOU are so important. We/life need you and your contribution, and your contribution will be easy and vitalising to give when it comes from a place of thriving. You thrive when you experience yourself in exaltation and are celebrated there OFTEN!

​Relating this to the flow of Kundalini, this is the point at which all available pathways have been opened and energy is flushing through. Not only the upward/downward... but inward, outward and any other "ward" you can imagine! The entire system, just for a few moments, is experiencing a rush (the moment during and immediately after climax if relating it to sexual expression). In these precious moments we are often speechless, no thoughts are available to us, just sensation and what might feel like "involuntary" sounds, movements and emotions. Personally, I don't believe there is a mantra that adequately captures this moment of exaltation; the most appropriate response is perhaps to simply drop in and enjoy.

Completion & Continuation

Coming out of the state of Exaltation and re-entering a more "ordinary state of awareness" is a necessary part of the experience that, again, is often rushed and disregarded. This is the point at which we have been trained in the art of "dust yourself off and get on with the day". True it can minimise some discomfort. As we re-enter a more mundane awareness we can feel a little silly that a few seconds ago we were beating our chests and hollering out the sounds of the Silverback; or momentarily dancing in the skies with the Tantrikas and letting them drown our senses with their sweet ecstatic nectar, or perhaps we were simply laughing out aloud - FREELY! And so in our embarrassment we may wish to dash to the shower, get dressed, get the heck out of there. But if we dare to meet the eyes of our witnesser, maybe sharing some words with them, taking time to linger and really feel who and how we are now, immediately following the experience; then we get to pay attention to what has shifted in our inner world, and how that might translate in our outer world. If we have entered the Triple X Spiral in order to effect change, isn't it wise to first capture those changes in the moment? From there if we wish to, we can keep on tracking those changes and marvelling at how they ripple out in all areas of our life.   

The mantra "Sat Nam" speak to this, "Truth is my identity" or "I choose to embody and be/live Truth".  Truth of course, is subjective and changeable, but in terms of the experience being spoken about here, it is that which is more truthfully "you" now that you have cleared something that wasn't true, and reclaimed something that feels more authentic to you. Layers of conditioned behaviour, false beliefs, limiting fears are sloughed off and the glistening of the inner jewel of you is more easily seen.

A final note: When both the evolutionary/upward flow AND the involutionary/downward flow are freely moving, we are opened to an experience of vibrant harmony. This harmony isn't stagnant or still, but the constant oscillation of creation. There may be moments of peaceful equanimity punctuated by dazzling action; the clear expanse of the empty-mind-space interspersed with rushes of inspired creative thinking. In other words, we begin to get comfortable with EVERYTHING life has to offer - we become...

​Well, I guess we become Tantric ;-) ​