Tending To You

I have been immersed in the world of spiritual/personal development, health and well-being, thought and energy expansion, and empowerment through eros for many years. Regardless, I am of course still human and life loves to invite me into more depth regularly. Recently I was being guided through a meditation in increased self-awareness whilst contemplating if and how I had been nourishing myself. I was surprised to be met by a feeling of grief, emptiness, and lack of said nourishment as, up until that point, I was convinced I was tending to myself very nicely. I realised the grief had a very specific flavour. It wasn’t so much that I was suffering from neglect or an absence of connection; it was more that some of the finer details of what I long to receive through my connections were missing.

From the place of “unconscious” lack, I had begun to project outwards all the things that were wrong and unsatisfying about the people in my life. I was finding certain behaviours and conversations less and less tolerable, and my inner irritation was beginning to seep out in passive aggressive and/or avoidant ways. I was delighted and astounded by how this simple meditation had swiftly revealed to me the emotions that my clever story-producing mind had triggered. And following a gentle expression of these emotions I was able to discern my hidden desires.   This self-knowing created choice. I could choose to perpetuate the stories and feed the dissatisfaction I was feeling, laying the blame at the feet of other people (who in truth, had been perfectly respectful, friendly and loving). Or I could choose to take a moment to do what a wonderful wise friend of mine shared with me years ago...  “tend to the clearing of your own heart”.

You can take a guess at which choice I made, then make a choice for yourself. Would you like to tend to the clearing of your own heart so that you can access and communicate peacefully your needs, desires, boundaries? Would you like to grace others with your unburdened presence and invite them into more joyful relating? If so, read on…

A Self-Clearing Practice

DROPPING IN...​
(NB Do each of the stages below for 3 to 7minutes)

Begin with a simple pause, just long enough to feel the physicality of your body, it’s aches and tensions, it’s flow and comfort, and then choose a standing, seated or lying position that gives your body as much comfort and ease as is currently available to you. Be sure to tend to your desire for warmth or coolness using blankets and clothing, or nakedness to make this experience just right for you.

When you feel physically “comfortable enough”, allow your breath to soften yet lengthen, you might direct the inhale through the nose, your exhale through barely parted lips. No effort required, simply allow your breath to flow with ease as you begin to contemplate how fulfilled and nourished you are, and what steps you have or haven’t taken recently to tend to your needs. Contemplation is the easeful use of the mind, it lies somewhere between the thinking aspect, and the creative-imagining or dreaming aspect. You are not seeking to give yourself the answers by thinking about life from the place of analysis, or question and answer style discourse. You are simply with the inquiry, without expecting an answer...

Any answers given are likely to emerge via a shift in emotions, or changes in your energy. You might feel the need to shake off irritation, or stretch out your limbs to release tension, or to stroke your skin and drink in more pleasure. You might find yourself sighing with delight as sweet memories/images float by, or growling, grunting, shouting to release frustrations. Tears may flow, laughter might bubble up. Receive these things as the revealing of your sacred truth. And note, none of it needs to make any sense whatsoever! Simply breath, be, feel.

You might feel content to leave the practice there, just a simple check-in that enables you to move back into your day with a more clear knowing as to how you truly are. If however, you would like to indulge in a heart clearing practice (empowered by a touch of Eros), then I find this works beautifully for me:

Sex-Heart-Sex

Place one hand on the centre of your chest to connect with the Heart Centre
Cup the other hand over your sex, base of the palm resting against the pubic bone, fingers curling over the genitals to connect with the root and sacral centres.

Whilst keeping your breath steady, create a sense of a heartbeat "lub-dub" by first gently pressing against your sex, then against your chest:
"Lub" - press hand into sex
"Dub" - press hand into chest

Once you feel nicely connected, begin to rock the hips and flex the spine (I find sitting cross-legged on the floor, or in a firm chair with feet on the floor the easiest postures, however this may be done lying or standing if preferred)

You'll now begin to connect the breath to the movement:
Inhale as the chest moves forward and tailbone lifts backwards; "Lub" - hand pressing into sex.
Exhale as the chest moves back and shoulders round, tailbone tucking under, genitals moving to a more forward/upward position; "Dub" - hand pressing into heart.

See feel or imagine rivers of energy moving up and down the centre of your torso, connecting the root & sacral areas with the heart. See if the rivers have a colour, a sound. Watch if they flow with more ease one way than the other. Without forcing anything to happen, hold a gentle intention that anything that needs clearing from your system is being washed away by the rivers of energy. You might see/fee/imagine this as grit being dislodged, gunk being diluted and rinsed into the flow; or you might experience shifts in emotion.

​Support the experience by allowing yourself to make sounds on the exhale if this feels right for you.

Earth-Cosmos-Earth

If you have been lying or standing, come into a sitting position for the next part:

Take the hands away from the sex/chest areas and rest them on your knees if sitting in a chair or hold your shins in sitting crossed legged on the floor.

​Allow the spinal flexes to become stronger so you're creating a beautiful rolling sensation around the pelvis and feeling your root (the perineum) pushing against the ground or chair. The chest can now fully expand and open on the inhale, and the "wings" of the shoulder blades will widen/open as the back rounds on the exhale. (For guidance, refer to the video of the classic spinal flex below)

Choose a rhythm and strength of breath that suits you; you can take this deliciously slowly, or speed up for more fire, but keep the breath connected with the movement.

As you continue, begin to see feel or imagine roots or columns of energy penetrating the earth from your perineum, and finding their way down into the core. Go beyond your understanding of what the core of the earth might contain, and be open to experiencing the Void... a black noTHINGness. Invite the dark light of this Void to travel upwards, passing through your spinal cord, all the way to your crown at the top of the head.

These columns now extend upwards and beyond the Earth's stratosphere, finding their way to the centre of our Cosmos and connecting with the Void at the centre of the Supermassive Blackhole. 

Your spine is still flexing and now you're beginning to feel/see/imagine yourself as a conduit for the dark light that passes between the Earth's core and the Cosmos and back again. This energy flows perpetually, without your needing to direct it. Yet by allowing your creative imagination to open your mind to it, you can now enhance it's ability to cleanse and clear every cell of your body just by inviting it to do so.

NB Even without believing in the energy play, and without engaging in the visualisation, you can benefit hugely by connecting your breath with the spinal flexes and keeping it going for between 3 and 7 minutes.

To end this part of the practice, slow the flexes down and make them smaller until you come to sitting still in a neutral upright position. Let go of whatever breath you still have in your lungs then take a fresh long and deep breath in. 

Hold that breath for as long as is comfortable whilst you squeeze the anus closed, draw up the pelvic muscles (as if attempting to stop a wee midstream), and pulling the lower abdomen in towards the spine. Exhale and relax the body, then repeat the breath hold one more time.

Integrate & Ground

THIS PART IS ESSENTIAL - DO NOT SKIP IT!!
We have just engaged in some very powerful energy work which, as wonderful as it is, needs a little integration time to ensure you are nicely landing back in the matter of your body. Without this, you might find yourself feeling extra sensitive, disorientated, or otherwise out of sorts.

​Lie on the ground in a position that is most comfortable for you and listen to some gentle music. If you find it supportive, see/feel/imagine roots extending from your body into the ground, creating anchors and reminding you of your connection with earth. Otherwise simply rest for 3 to 7 minutes, feeling the weight of your body making contact with the ground. 

When you feel ready, enjoy some stretching movements before coming to sitting. Before standing take a moment to look around your space and notice the items around you. If you still feel a little spacey, speak out loud the names of those items (e.g. chair, photograph, plant, T.V. etc.). 

Slowly come to you feet and have a little walk around barefoot feeling your feet and the texture of the flooring. Have a drink of water, a bite of something to eat, engage in mundane conversation, or wash a few dishes. You'll now be nicely grounded and ready to resume your day. 

A Sample Playlist: